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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

My Ten Least Anticipated Summer Movies

There are obvious films coming out in the summer of 2013 that I'm not excited about. For example, the One Direction concert movie, Smurfs 2, and Grown Ups 2. Obviously, nobody above the age of 11 wants to see the first two, and only Rob Schnieder is excited about Grown Ups 2- and the ability to still get a paycheck. Scratch that, he's not even in the sequel. So nobody is excited about Grown Ups 2. These are ten films that I'm sure many of you are looking forward to; however, I am not.

10) The Hangover Part 3
Release Date: May 24
Directed By: Todd Phillips
Starring: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, & Zach Galifianakis

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: I was never that big of a fan of the first Hangover, and the sequel was just a pile of garbage. I enjoyed the original, but think it's widely overrated considering where it ranks in the realm of pop culture. However, it's only #10 on my list, because the trailer did make me laugh, and I still will gladly see it when it comes to theaters. The trailers also reveal that it's nothing like the plot of the original (and subsequently nothing like the plot of the sequel), which bodes well for the third installment.

9) The Long Ranger
Release Date: July 3
Directed By: Gore Verbinski
Starring: Armie Hammer, Johnny Depp, & Helena Bonham Carter

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: Admittedly, this Gore Verbinski / Johnny Depp combo has never excited me. When the original Pirates of the Caribbean came out, I avoided it like the plague. Now, ten years later, I did come around and I do enjoy the first two Pirates movies, but again, I'm not that excited for this pairing again. PLUS, Helena Bonham Carter needs to start saying "no" to movies Johnny Depp is starring in. That's just a personal pet peeve of mine.

8) Monsters University
Release Date: June 21
Directed By: Dan Scanlon
Voices Of: Billy Crystal & John Goodman

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: While I am a huge fan of Monster's Inc and the old Pixar movies, as I said recently, Pixar has officially lost my trust. For starters, the original creative brain trust of Pixar (including the original creators of Monsters, Inc) have left Pixar. Secondly, there is nothing about these trailers that makes Monsters University seem all that good. There's no conflict to be seen, and seemingly no larger moral point to be had.

7) The Internship
Release Date: June 7
Directed By: Shawn Levy
Starring: Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: Can we all please agree that this Vince Vaughn Old School / Wedding Crashers shtick is over and done with? While the original wedding crashers team back up again, it's 8 years later and we're all tired of it. Here are Vaughn's last few movies: The Watch, The Dilemma, & Couples Retreat. None of those films are any good, and I don't expect The Internship to be either.

6) Pacific Rim
Release Date: July 12
Directed By: Guillermo Del Toro
Starring: Idris Elba, Charlie Hunnam, Charlie Day, & Ron Perlman

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: This film has all the characteristics to be good. It has an amazing director and a stacked, talented cast. And that's why Pacific Rim didn't crack the top 5. But at the end of the day, this movie is about freaking robots fighting each other. This looks like Transformers meets Avatar- and neither were very good movies.

5) Despicable Me 2
Release Date: July 3
Directed By: Pierce Coffin & Chris Renaud
Voices Of: Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig, & Al Pacino

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: To begin with, Despicable Me was a pile of unfunny dog poop. Consider this, in 2010, an extremely weak year for animated films, only three films received an Oscar nomination for Best Animated Film. Despicable Me was not one of them. Secondly, what has Steve Carrel been a part of in the past five years that makes you think a Steve Carell vehicle is any good? Here are some of his last few films: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, Dinner For Schmucks, Get Smart, Horton Hears A Who, and Evan Almighty. I loved Steve Carell in The Office and 40, but I don't trust anything he's a part of now.

4) White House Down
Release Date: June 28
Directed By: Roland Emmerich
Starring: Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, & Maggie Gyllenhaal

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: A common feature I'm sure you have picked up on, is me listing an actor or director's recent stinkers. I believe that past failures can be indicative of future success, especially when it comes to my personal excitement level. Here are Emmerich's past five films: 2012, 10,000 BC, The Day After Tomorrow, The Patriot, & Godzilla. In fact, the only movie he's ever done that's worth while is Independence Day- which was 17 years ago. I also saw it when I was also 9 or 10, so I might be biased. I'm smarter now. Probably.

3) After Earth
Release Date: June 7
Directed By: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: Will Smith & Jaden Smith

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: I betcha you didn't know this film is directed by Oscar nominee M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong did ya? It never bodes well when a high profile director's name doesn't appear anywhere during the advertisement campaign. But that's not even close to the reason I'm staying the hell away from this movie. Will Smith is the reason. The Fresh Prince clearly doesn't care about his career anymore. In his defense he doesn't have to, because he's a multi-millionaire and all his movies gross a bajillon dollars, but it's still sad to see the actor not care about his legacy. When you pass on Django Unchained to do Men In Black III, you've clearly given up.

2) The Wolverine
Release Date: July 26
Directed By: James Mangold
Starring: Hugh Jackman & a bunch of other people that aren't Hugh Jackman

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: Can we please just let this Marvel character die already. Yes, I realize the irony in saying Wolverine should die, but I'm sick of the movie studios trying to jam this superhero down our throats for the past thirteen years. I agree, that when X-Men first came out, Jackman's Wolverine was the break out star. But after two more X-Men films and his own damn movie, I'm tired of it.

1) World War Z
Release Date: June 21
Directed By: Marc Forster
Starring: Brad Pitt & a bunch of bad CGI zombies

WHY I'M NOT EXCITED: I'm sick of this zombie fad. Just like the vampire fad before it, can we please stop it with the zombies! Even without the zombies (which look horrific in the trailers BTW), this looks like a terrible action movie with every single cliche from the book in it. The trailer looks so bad, that I though Roland Emmerich directed it! I'm not confused about why Brad Pitt would star in a big budget action movie about zombies, I'm confused why Brad Pitt would do a crappy movie? This is easily my least anticipated film of the summer of 2013.

What is your least anticipated movie during this summer season? Which film am I not excited for that you ARE excited for? Let us know on The Cover 3 Facebook page!


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