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Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Grading The Summer Season Of 2012 Television Shows

You can read my previews for the best shows of the 2012 spring season here

Breaking Bad (AMC) Season 5, Part I
Grade: A+
Sundays 10/9c

NOTES: Breaking Bad is not only the greatest show on television right now, but it is the greatest show ever to be made for American television. I do not mean this as a hyperbole or an exaggeration. This is just fact. There are four television shows that can be considered as the greatest television show ever: Breaking Bad, Mad Men, The Wire, and The Sopranos... and Breaking Bad blows them all out of the dust. Seasons 3 and 4 of B.B. are some of the single greatest television series ever to be made. With that being said and with the explosive finish to Season 4, Season 5 had a hard bar to climb. And Season 5 failed to even come close to that bar.

Yeah, that's right, Season 5, Part I of Breaking Bad was not even close to how good the previous two seasons were and you can make the argument that this was probably its worst season. And *even still* this season of Breaking Bad was excellent and some of the best stuff on television.

I always thought the show really started to pick up steam in Season 2 when Walter and Jesse first meet Saul Goodman and really start interacting with him. The show is really heavy and I remember watching Seasons 1 and 2 on Netflix and having to watch some How I Met Your Mother in between episodes because the tension and drama was too high. But Saul Goodman infused some much needed comic relief to make a great show even better. But Season 5 barely had any Saul in the show which "lessened" the quality of the show. Breaking Bad is obviously still great but the more Saul Goodman there is, the better.

Also, many critics felt the compact 8 episode season this year (versus the normal 13 episode season) ruined the quality and forced the show to gloss over or not spend as much time on characters and/or plot points as they could have in a "full season". While I agree that's true to an extent but sometimes, even with an amazing and powerful show like Breaking Bad, critics just need to get out of their own way. Could the show have been made better by a 13 episode season? Sure it could have but Season 5 is still excellent and amazing just the way it is.

EMMY NOTES: [SPOILER ALERT. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN SEASONS 1-4 OF BREAKING BAD] In a year where there is no Gustavo Fringe and where there is very little of Jesse, I would replace Aaron Paul and Giancarlo Esposito's 2012 Emmy nominations with Jonathan Banks (Mike) and Dean Norris (Hank) for 2013 for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama. I know it seems sacrilege to not include Aaron Paul ever when Breaking Bad was eligible but a) The guy already has an Emmy win so I don't feel bad for him and b) Dean Norris has been amazing not only in Season 5 but throughout the show's run that I truly believe he deserves "Paul's spot" more.

Workaholics (Comedy Central) Season 3
Grade: A-
Tuesdays 1030/930c

NOTES: Workaholics is not a good show. There are no literary qualities to the writing or directing and there are no nuances to the performances. But hot damn is this show entertaining as sh**. The show follows the lives of three stoners who live in the same house and work at the same telemarketing firm. The show is stupid, and silly, and at times gross, but it's always funny. While I have not yet seen every episode in Season 3 the quality from what I have seen has not diminished from its first two seasons. Listen, this show is not for everyone and no you absolutely do not need to be stoner to enjoy this show (me case in point) but if you enjoy It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia and how dark it is then Workaholics is right up your alley

Suits (USA) Season 2
Grade: B+
Thursdays 10/9c

NOTES: Wow. What an incredible and unexpected season for Suits. The show's first season tended to follow the typical USA model with an extremely lighthearted tone where the good guys always win and the bad guys always lose every week and every week is a new case and new story line with a little bit of the overarching story line lightly sprinkled in throughout the show, mainly towards the end of the episode. But Season 2 mixed it up in a good way. For starters, the show mainly focused on one overarching story line and the weekly and different story lines were barely there. The show followed the Season 2 Justified model where the beginning had different story lines but the ending was just one main story line.

The season started off really strong with its first two episodes setting the stage for the series long battle between Harvey and Jessica versus Daniel Hardman played by Breaking Bad alum David Costabile as well the the love affair between Mike Ross and Rachel. With the first two episodes I thought we were seeing a Justified-esque jump in quality but alas, the show's USA-ness rubbed off on it as it had many missteps as the season dragged on.

The first major problem the show has is its predictability. The fact that the show is on USA not only means the good guy is still going to win but you know exactly how they are going to win. The predictability also showed up many times during the season (for the sake of spoilers I won't go into specifics). The other problem I had was (again, because it is a USA show) the show would often sacrifice characters in favor of plot points. While Season 2 surprisingly dealt much more into these characters lives (which was delightful) the show also had gimmicky episodes, like when the show did an episode where it went back five years into all these characters lives and instead of showing us something meaningful it was used solely for a plot point in the war of Pearson vs. Hardman (and a minor point at that).

EMMY NOTES: I would strongly consider (at least for me personally) nominating Rick Hoffman (who plays Louis Litt) for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama. While Hoffman is in a category where one nomination is guaranteed to go to Peter Dinklage (Game Of Thrones), two nominations are going to go to Breaking Bad (*at least* one), and one nomination is going to go to Mad Men [This nomination list is for both me and for the actual Emmy voters] it will be hard for anyone else to garner a nomination but I thought he was excellent in Season 2 and when I do my Emmy nomination prediction post for the 2013 nominations I will strongly consider putting Hoffman on my list.

Hoffman's character was the bad guy in Season 1 and therefore was portrayed in a typical cartoony USA-esque villiany light. But the writers actually made Louis a character in Season 2. Sure he was still a thorn in both Harvey's and Mike's side and sure he did some pretty sh**ty things but you actual emphasized with Louis many times and actually felt for him which is something you never would have said about him in Season 1. Hoffman's portrayal of Louis Litt was one of the best parts of Season 2 of Suits and he is the sole reason the show earns its "+".

White Collar (USA) Season 4
Grade: B-
Tuesdays 9/8c

NOTES: I hate to use the phrase "Jump The Shark". Especially on television shows I really enjoy. A show can Jump The Shark and still be good and many times the show has set its own expectations so high that we all unfairly expect that same level quality from the show. But that being said, as my friend and former Game Of Inches contributor Irwin Weiner (aka Cubsfanevr1) has said, White Collar has Jumped The Shark.

While this season is not yet over (there's one more episode left to go as of the writing of this post), I think I have to agree with my friend. For a show I still personally enjoy and still watch every week and a show I have consistently held in my top ten list for the best T.V. shows of the year, I have to come to grips that White Collar is not the same show anymore. While the show has always been the type of show that has a new problem in it during every given week with an overarching season-long problem sprinkled in throughout the series, that season-long problem seems to have been the glue that held the show together. (SIDENOTE: I think we need a new name for this type of show because hot damn is it really long and annoying to type out and read). Throughout the beginning of the series' run it was all about finding Kate/ the music box and during the latter half of the series it was about finding out about the conspiracy about Kate/the U-boat the music box led to. But when the season finale of White Collar's third season came and went all of those questions were fully answered. Therefore the show needed a new season and series long conflict. They created one revolving around Neil's dad, but it feels too little too late.

Despite all of that, the show still could have been successful in it's post-U-Boat run. The biggest problem is the writing of these mini-one-week plots. Ken Levine wrote a recent blog post about shows becoming too clever for its own good and the main example he used to illustrate his point was White Collar. Sure these one-week-plot-plots are fun and entertaining and predictable and very USA-y, but what sucked you into the show was the simplicity of it. I agree with Mr. Levine that the show got too clever for its own good and I hope the show corrects itself for Season 5. I really hope White Collar has not Jumped The Shark.

Anger Management (FX) Season One
Grade: D+
Thursdays 9/8c

NOTES: I am an American. And just like every other American I surprisingly and actually care about the television career of Charlie Sheen. I was one of the billions of people that tuned in to Ashton Kutcher's first episode post-Sheen of Two And A Half Men and I was one the millions of people who tuned in to watch Anger Management. Not only was I curious to see a new Charlie Sheen television show, but I am a huge FX fan. Here are some of the great shows that FX has produced over the years: Justified, Terriers, Lights Out, Archer, The League, Louie, and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. And that list only includes the shows I have seen and doesn't include: The Shield, Sons of Anarchy, and Rescue Me. So I had high hopes for Anger Management. And I was severely let down.

Anger Management is basically another version of Two And A Half Men. It has the same tone, the same widespread and generic jokes and situations, and I'm pretty sure they both were filmed in the same house. The show did well in the ratings and FX just ordered one hundred and seventy two more episodes so kudos to FX for finding a hit (which I feel they desperately needed) but the overall quality of this show is so poor that I would not recommend anyone to watch it.

BONUS REVIEW:

Since I lasted posted my review on 2012's spring TV edition I have seen both seasons of Game Of Thrones, Homeland, and the first two seasons of Dowton Abbey. The latter two shows aired seasons prior to 2012 and GOT's first season was in 2011. However, Game Of Thrones second season was in 2012 and should have gone in my Spring Edition column. So I'm here to rectify my mistake...

Game Of Thrones (HBO) Season Two
Grade: B+
Sundays 9/8c

NOTES: I normally hate things that are set during the 14th century or medieval times type things. I think The Lord Of The Rings are just "meh" films and I don't think I can ever bring myself to watch Braveheart- 4 hours of boring shit that I don't like. So I was extremely skeptical to watch Game Of Thrones. It was right in the genre and wheelhouse of things I don't like. To add to all of that I prefer character-driven shows over plot-driven shows. I'm probably the only person in the world that doesn't like Dexter because of that reason. I thought GOT was going to be extremely plot driven and be set during a period in which I don't like to watch. Yet I loved Season One of Game Of Thrones.

The main reason I liked it was because it was surprisingly character-driven. Despite its huge cast the show actually spent time on characters that I actually cared about week to week. The other reason I really enjoyed Season One was that it was a fairly simple and straight forward plot. Dany is coming from the East to take over Westeros, the White Walkers seem to be invading from the North and the Lannisters and the Starks were fighting from within. I was really getting in to Game Of Thrones. Then Season Two happened.

Again Season Two had a fairly simple plot: everybody was gunning for King Joffrey and King's Landing/Westeros. The Starks, Two Baratheons, and a Greyjoy to add to the White Walkers and Khalessi. But the extra characters in addition to the already ginormous cast was the straw that broke the camel's backs. I could handle and somewhat understand who was who in Season One but to add like ten more people and three more families to Season One not only diminished screen time and quality character time for everyone on the show prior but it made the show pretty confusing for the masses who had not read the book. Speaking of which and as Hitfix's Alan Sepinwall constantly points out, this is a television show first and not solely a physical representation of a beloved book. Because it is a T.V. show it has to explain things (mainly people) properly. You can not just say "Well it is in the book therefore the audience should understand these gaps". A television should not and does not work that way. But because Season Two worked that way (It was A LOT worse in Season 2 than in Season 1) I had to knock off a few grade points for the show.

One last final complaint about the show. For two seasons I have been told and/or led to believe that Dany and her fucking dragons and the things that are north of The Wall are scary and important and will eventually come into Westeros to destroy it all. I like the characters of Dany and Jon Snow and they're interesting but for two seasons I could have done without them. If you deleted every scene of the Targaryen siblings plot line and every scene with Jon Snow in it not only would that allow the audience to spend more times with characters who actually seem integral to the plot but the overall plot would not have changed in the slightest. At some point the show needs to actually give a reason why we are spending so much time with these characters and as Season Two dragged on these characters and plot line bored me more and more.

I know I just took a huge shit all over Game Of Thrones and that's sort of unfair. The show still is great, it's one of the four best dramas on television right now (behind Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and Homeland) and I am extremely excited for Season Three. Plus, The Battle Of Blackwater, the season's penultimate episode was one of the best things I have seen on T.V. But considering how high Season One of Game of Thrones set the bar, Season Two was in some respects a let down.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: At the time I wrote my 2012 Spring Edition of T.V. shows I gave Mad Men a grade of a solid B. While the show was not yet over the episodes I had seen were just flat out boring and it looked like the show had Jumped The Shark. But immediately after my review came out Mad Men finished on a VERY strong note- mainly centered around a major problem of Lane Pryce. The show's final 4 episodes were excellent and as such I have to give Mad Men a higher grade. I really want to give the show an "A-" because that's how good the last four episodes were but I can not discount just how painstakingly bad boring the middle (and frankly its first two episodes) were. As such I will now give the show a "B+".

MY "BEST OF" LIST SO FAR THIS YEAR:

1) Breaking Bad (AMC) Season 5
2) Parks & Recreation (NBC) Season 4
3) New Girl (FOX) Season 1
4) Workaholics (Comedy Central) Season 3
5) Game Of Thrones (HBO) Season 2
6) Mad Men (AMC) Season 5
7) Suits (USA) Season 2
8) Justified (FX) Season 3
9) Archer (FX) Season 3
10) 30 Rock (NBC) Season 6
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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

2012 Bad Quarterback League Update: Week One


1) Adam

Total Points: 134
Points This Week: 134

Miami: 39
St. Louis: 18
Kansas City: 37
Cincinnati: 40


2) Colleen

Total Points: 129
Points This Week: 129

Cleveland: 87
Oakland: 0
Buffalo: 48
Baltimore: 4

3) Cahal

Total Points: 88
Points This Week: 88

New York Jets: 0
Tennessee: 15
Chicago: 19
Philadelphia: 54

4) Bryan

Total Points: 29
Points This Week: 29

Arizona: 17
Seattle: 16
Washington: -4
San Francisco: 0

5) Ben

Total Points: 28
Points This Week: 28

Jacksonville: 5
Minnesota: 5
Tampa Bay: 12
Carolina: 6

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Football Awards Predictions

I have to give this disclaimer for all of my prediction posts. Predictions do not mean anything. They are worthless and I am guaranteed to be wrong. But that being said we all love to read about predictions and I sure as hell love to write about predictions.

PLAYOFF STANDINGS (You can read my division by division standings here)

NFC:
1) San Francisco 49ers
2) Green Bay Packers
3) Atlanta Falcons
4) Philadelphia Eagles
5) Chicago Bears
6) Detroit Lions

NFC Champ: Chicago Bears

AFC:
1) New England Patriots
2) Houston Texans
3) Baltimore Ravens
4) San Diego Chargers
5) Buffalo Bills
6) Cincinnati Bengals

AFC Champ: Houston Texans

SUPERBOWL
Houston Texans def. Chicago Bears

DISCLAIMER: I do not feel strongly about who is going to emerge from either the NFC or AFC. At all. I still think the Packers are the best NFC team and the Patriots are the best AFC team but that doesn't mean anything. The Bears are a total homer pick and while I don't like Gary Kubiak or think he is a good coach, if Matt Schaub was healthy the Texans would have at least made it to the Superbowl last year. So why not. It's crazy that I've always been on the Texans bandwagon and now that they are good, I'm halfway off of it.

END OF SEASON AWARDS:

MVP:
Winner: Tom Brady (NE)
Runner Up: Aaron Rodgers (GB)
Dark Horse: Jay Cutler (CHI)

Offensive Rookie Of The Year:
Winner: Doug Martin (TB)
Runner Up: Robert Griffin III (WAS)
Dark Horse: Justin Blackmon (JAX)

Defensive Rookie Of The Year:
Winner: Bruce Irvin (SEA)
Runner Up: Morris Claiborne (DAL)
Dark Horse: Shea McClellin (CHI)

Sophomore Of The Year:
Winner: A.J. Green (CIN)
Runner Up: Patrick Peterson (ARI)
Dark Horse: Jake Locker (TEN)

Defensive Player Of The Year:
Winner: Patrick Willis (SF)
Runner Up: Jason Pierre-Paul (NYG)
Dark Horse: Julius Peppers (CHI)

Best Running Back:
Winner: Arian Foster (HOU)
Runner Up: LeSean McCoy (PHI)
Dark Horse: Jamaal Charles (KC)

Best Wide Receiver:
Winner: Larry Fitzgerald (ARI)
Runner Up: Brandon Marshall (CHI)
Dark Horse: Jordy Nelson (GB)

Coach Of The Year:
Winner: Greg Schiano (TB)
Runner Up: Bill Belichick (NE)
Dark Horse: Norv Turner (SD)

NOTE: The Coach of the Year award always goes to the coach whose team does well when nobody expected them to. Last year NOBODY expected the 49ers to do well and they won 13 games so the Niners head coach Jim Harbaugh won the Coach of the Year award. This year I think the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are going to be that team (and could potentially earn that 6th seed over the Lions) so that is why I picked Schiano.

However, I think the top two contenders of the CotY award should be given to the number one seeds in each division (and personally I would give the award to Belichick every year). Belichick and Mike McCarthy are unquestionably two of the three best coaches in football right now (the 3rd being Tom Coughlin) so why should they be "punished" because people expect them to succeed and they do succeed?

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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

My Bad Quarterback Leagues

You can read exactly what a Bad Quarterback League (as created by Grantland.com) here and you can see my Bad Quarterback rankings here. But this post is not about that. This post is merely to proclaim to the world the two BQBL that I am in.

LEAGUE #1: The Original Bad Quarterback League

This is a 7 person league where you start two quarterbacks each week, bench two, yet you will still be able to get 24/7 points whether or not you started the quarterback's team. 5 of the 7 teams competed in this BQBL last year. This league does NOT allow for trading or add/drops. Here is how the draft went (and for the sake of privacy I will not disclose the team's last names)

DMITRY:
1) Washington Redskins
14) Indianapolis Colts
15) Denver Broncos
28) San Diego Chargers

JIM:
2) Arizona Cardinals
13) Dallas Cowboys
16) Baltimore Ravens
27) Carolina Panthers

MY TEAM:
3) New York Jets
12) Kansas City Chiefs
17) Cincinnati Bengals
26) New Orleans Saints

STEVEN:
4) Miami Dolphins
11) Tennessee Titans
18) Philadelphia Eagles
25) Detroit Lions

DANIEL:
5) Cleveland Browns
10) Seattle Seahawks
19) Buffalo Bills
24) Pittsburgh Steelers

WARREN:
6) Jacksonville Jaguars
9) Oakland Raiders
20) New York Giants
23) Houston Texans

IRWIN:
7) Minnesota Vikings
8) St. Louis Rams
21) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
22) San Fransisco 49ers

Undrafted Teams:
- New England Patriots
- Green Bay Packers
- Chicago Bears
- Atlanta Falcons


MY REACTION TO THIS LEAGUE:
- For starters, I couldn't believe that the Washington Redskins went first overall. I know Rex Grossman and John Beck were atrocious last year but come on, this is RG3! The Redskins didn't go until pick 12 in my five team league and not until pick 14 in Grantland's BQBL. I feel like we needed Matthew Berry's rankings in front of us
- I really wish I had taken a 24/7 team with one of my picks. I should have gone Philly in the 3rd round and they went right after I picked Cincy. I just wished Denver had somehow fallen to me.
- I can't believe how far the Cleveland Browns fell
- I'm shocked the Bears didn't get drafted in this deep of a league. Plus, it's not even *that* full of Chicago homers and last year when I had to start 4 teams *I* drafted the Bears with my last pick. I guess Jason Campbell is just that good.

 LEAGUE #2: The Newbie League

This is a five person league I created when I posted on Facebook if anyone would like to join a BQBL with me. In this league you MUST start all four teams but we do allow for add/drops. We do not allow for trading. Here is how the draft went:

BEN:
1) Jacksonville Jaguars
10) Minnesota Vikings
11) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
20) Carolina Panthers

BRYAN:
2) Arizona Cardinals
9) Seattle Seahawks
12) Washington Redskins
19) San Francisco 49ers

CAHAL:
3) New York Jets
8) Tennessee Titans
13) Chicago Bears
18) Philadelphia Eagles

COLLEEN:
4) Cleveland Browns
6) Oakland Raiders
14) Buffalo Bills
17) Baltimore Ravens

MY TEAM:
5) Miami Dolphins
6) St. Louis Rams
15) Kansas City Chiefs
16) Cincinnati Bengals


MY REACTION TO THIS LEAGUE:
- Like in my other league, the Arizona Cardinals went second overall. Both league drafted after the news that John Skelton was named the starter. I'm not saying Skelton is good, not in the slightest (although he is apparently the only competent person since Kurt Warner who can get the ball to Larry Fitzgerald) but I think there are far worse QBs out there. Or I could just be flat out wrong about this.
- My fiance picked one spot ahead of me and picked solely based on uniforms. Stupid effing Browns for having awful uniforms to go along with their awful franchise and their awful quarterback.
- In a 7 team league where you only start two of your four QBs there Chicago Bears were not selected but in a 5 team league where you MUST start all four they were.
- When I created and posted my own rankings I had the Vikings at #6 and the Rams at #5 so when the wrap around came to me I chose the Rams. Immediately after I typed in "Rams" over 'Vikings" I regretted it and have since swapped the two teams in my rankings.
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Most Anticipated Movies For Fall 2012

12) Seven Psychopaths (dir. Martin McDonagh)
Release Date: October 12
Starring: Colin Farrell, Woody Harrelson, Christopher Walken, Sam Rockwell



Because this film is only in limited release and will not get major Oscar buzz I probably won't see it in 2012 but it looks great. First of all, it is directed by Martin McDonagh. I'm sure you have never heard of him but he directed a great film called "In Bruges" (also starring Ferrell). A good friend of mine, Bryan Hernandez, wrote up a great review of the film on my old site which I encourage everybody to read. Not only did McDonagh utilize Ferrell perfectly (and I think he'll do it again here) but the guy has got some damn fine directing chops. "Seven Psychopaths" looks like good Guy Ritchie film but with an even sillier plot line.

OK, quick tangent here.

SNL did a parody trailer of the Guy Ritchie/British crime drama called Don You Go Rounin Roun To Re Ro (which I recommend you watch because it's hysterical) and a fake movie critic said about the movie, "It seems like a lot of killing over a very small amount of money". That's true for basically all of Ritchie's early films and that basically sums up the plot of "Seven Psychopaths". While that inherently is pretty silly, the characters and the violent shenanigans that ensues looks both entertaining and fun to watch.


11) Killing Them Softly (dir. Andrew Dominik)
Release Date: October 19
Starring: Brad Pitt, Richard Jenkins, Ray Liotta, James Gandolfini


Again, another limited release film but that doesn't diminish my excitement to see the film because a) its got Brad Pitt in it and despite his public image the guy makes great films and b) gotta love modern noir/gangster movies and c) look at the rest of that awesome cast!

10) Pitch Perfect (dir. Jason Moore)
Release Date: October 5
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Adam DeVine, Elizabeth Banks


I know, I know. Please stop yelling at me. I know. I know this movie looks really bad to most of you and I deserve all the flack I get. But if you saw this trailer with no one around and no one to judge you then you would  be laughing at the trailer and excited to see the film. I'll admit I'm a sucker for singing competitions like "Glee" and "The Sing Off" but this movie also looks really funny.

The highlight of it and the potential breakout star is Rebel Wilson best known for playing Kristen Wiig's roommate in "Bridesmaids". Let me give you what I think is a good comparison. In "The 40 Year Old Virgin" Jonah Hill had a small cameo as a background guy buying shoes from Catherine Keener's character. Then in "Knocked Up" Hill had a bigger role playing one of Seth Rogen's roommates. Then he finally got his huge breakthrough role starring in "Superbad". I'm not sure if "Pitch Perfect" will be Wilson's "Knocked Up" or "Superbad" but either way she looks freaking hysterical in this and I'll go see "Pitch Perfect" just for her. Plus, I'll see it for my girl Anna Kendrick ("Up In The Air", "50/50"). AND its got Adam from "Workaholics".


9) Butter (dir. Jim Field Smith)
Release Date: October 5
Starring: Jennifer Garner, Olivia Wilde, Ty Burrell, Rob Corddry


Come on. How can you watch that trailer and *not* be excited to see "Butter"! The plot of the movie is absolutely ridiculous and this film reminds me of "Burn After Reading" but actually enjoyable, funny, and I'll be happy to watch it.

8) Paranormal Activity 4 (dir. Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman)
Release Date: October 19
Starring: Kate Featherston, Kathryn Newton, Matt Shively


I'm just a big fan of the Paranormal Activity series in general. I enjoy scary movies but I am a big believer in having the movie earn its scare versus just grossing me out. Showing me gore and guts will scare the bejesus out of me but it's a cheap scare. But when a film can manage to set the atmosphere correctly and make me feel uncomfortable and uneasy in my seat then the film has succeeded. And all three Paranormal Activity's have managed to do that. "Paranormal Activity 3" is one of the scariest films I have ever seen and I literally squealed like a little girl in the theater. While the plot was pretty bad the scares were well earned. Unlike the "Saw" franchise which just got exponentially worse the more sequels were released, the "Paranormal Activity" franchise is still going strong.

7) Silver Linings Playbook (dir. David O. Russell)
Release Date: November 21
Starring: Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Robert DeNiro, Chris Tucker


For starters, "Silver Linings Playbook" has my girl Jennifer Lawrence in it so I have to see it no matter what (except for "Winter's Bone". I got through 30 minutes of it on Netflix and I had to turn it off was because it was just so damn slow). But the real reason I want to see "SLP" is because it looks like a fun story about two damaged people (Cooper and Lawrence) coming together to find happiness. I'm sure the story is cliche but when it's done with great characters (which is what this film looks like it has) then I don't care if I have seen the plot before as long as I care about the characters. While I'm not the biggest David O. Russell fan, the guy's a professional and "SLP" looks like it has the right amount of quirk and this trailer make me excited to go out and see the film.

6) Wreck-It Ralph (dir. Rich Moore)
Release Date: November 2
Starring: John C. Reilly, Jack McBrayer, Sarah Silverman, Jane Lynch


When I first saw this trailer I assumed it was a Pixar film. It not only had the look of a Pixar film but it looked like it had the stellar quality of a Pixar film. When I found out it wasn't made by Pixar (only Disney) I almost refused to see it. But then I thought about it and having the "Pixar" label attached to an animated flick doesn't have the same prestige today as it did even two years ago at this time. Last year's Cars 2 was a universal failure (quality wise) as evident that it didn't even get nominated for Best Animated Film at the Oscar's in 2011 (and the only Pixar film I have never seen and will probably never see) and 2012's "Brave" was no great shakes either.

But enough hating on Pixar, "Wreck-It-Ralph" looks fun and entertaining, looks like old-school (quality wise) Pixar, and looks very good.

5) Lincoln (dir. Steven Spielberg)
Release Date: November 9
Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jared Harris, Tommy Lee Jones, Sally Field


While there has not yet been a trailer released for "Lincoln" this poster released for the film says 1,000 words. Holy crap does Daniel Day-Lewis look like a spitting image of Abraham Lincoln and with DDL's acting abilities I bet he wins another Best Actor Academy Award. While this film is directed by Spielberg which does give it some pedigree and hype, let's not pretend everything Spielberg touches turns to gold. The Terminal was pretty bad and while I'm sure War Horse was good, holy hell did it look boring and a year later nobody remembers the film. Also, sometimes great directors just fail. Ridley Scott post-Gladiator has been pretty bad (for the most part) and did anyone see Oliver's Stones "Savages" this year?

Despite the fact that I just shat unnecessarily over Spielberg, he is still a living legend, the cast of "Lincoln" is in incredible, and it has my boy Joseph Gordon-Levitt (more to come on him!) in it. I'm sure "Lincoln" will be spectacular.

4) Skyfall (dir. Sam Mendes)
Release Date: November 9
Starring: Daniel Craig, Javier Bardem, Judy Dench, Ralph Fiennes


Above is the teaser trailer that really got me hooked into this new 007 film. "Skyfall" released a full trailer a few weeks ago that almost ruined it for me but because the trailer was so jumbled I feel like someone just did a poor editing job with the trailer versus the movie actually being bad.

The jury is still out on Daniel Craig's James Bond movies. While "Casino Royale" was superb (see another great review written by Bryan Hernandez), "Quantum of Solace" was just horrible. QoS could just be the outlier but remember that Pierce Brosnan started off with the amazing "Goldeneye" and then his next three flicks got progressively worse. But I'm an optimist and I think "Skyfall" will be a great rebound for the British Spy franchise.

For starters, the villain is being played by Javier Bardem. We saw just how amazing he was in "No Country For Old Men" and it looks like evilness might be Bardem's niche. While I'm not a fan of a blonde Javier Bardem, he will always get the benefit of the doubt from his chilling performance as Anton Chigurh.

I also really like the decision to go with Sam Mendes ("American Beauty", "Jarhead"). While his films are hit and miss, the decision shows me that this film will be more like a drama than an action flick. The Michael Bay school of actions movies with lots of explosions but no character development whatsoever has been replaced by more drama, a better focus on the characters, and less action. Films like Sam Reimi's Spider-Man movies and Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy have paved the way for a new era (and a far better one) for action films and I think "Skyfall" will fall into that same category.

3) The Master (dir. Paul Thomas Anderson)
Release Date: September 21
Starring: Joaquin Pheonix, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams


The last film that Paul Thomas Anderson made was a little film that came out in 2007 called "There Will Be Blood". I love "TWBB" and if you haven't seen it I recommend you stop reading this and go out and watch it right now. Here is P.T. Anderson's resume before "Blood": "Punch Drunk Love", "Boogie Nights", and "Magnolia". Those are some excellent films. What Anderson does so well, even with huge casts like "Magnolia" and "Boogie Nights" is that he creates deep characters that you care about no matter what situation you put them in.

To be honest I'm not quite sure what "The Master" is about. From what I gather from the many trailers the plot is that Phoenix's character was at war and now that he has come home he is lost in the world. He stumbles upon Hoffman's character who is reportedly modeled after L. Ron Hubbard (the "creator" of Scientology) and Hoffman's wife (sidekick? I dunno) played by Amy Adams. Hoffman and Adams try to save and help Phoenix while in turn trying to grow their "religion" or "science". Either way, I don't care what the plot is because after "There Will Be Blood" and all of P.T. Anderson's films, I'm sure "The Master" will be excellent.

2) Looper (dir. Rian Johnson)
Release Date: September 28
Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt


I love Jospeh Godron-Levitt. I think he's one of the best actors in Hollywood right now. Essentially, he is the real life Vinny Chase except has talent but is not yet a leading man. I think at the end of 2012, with the help of "Looper" (and "Lincoln", see above) Gordon-Levitt is going to be a household name. Here are some of JoGo's last films that he was in: "(500) Days Of Summer", "50/50", "Inception", and "The Dark Knight Rises". Pretty impressive resume. JGL was by far and away the best actor in the TDKR and at this point in his career I'll go see really anything he does.

Despite, my man love for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the plot of "Looper" looks amazing. JoGo plays a criminal thug called a, wait for it, a "looper" and criminals from the future send their victims back in time to be killed by loopers. When JoGo's character from the future (played by Bruce Willis) gets sent back in time to be killed by JoGo himself, things go astray.

My main concern with "Looper" is that Science Fiction flicks, especially one by a writer/director with little to no prestige, can be hit or miss. The most recent example is 2011's "In Time" starring another talented and charismatic lead actor in Justin Timberlake. "In Time" had a phenomenal premise and a great cast but had AWFUL execution and was just bad. And writer/director Rian Johnson's only real claim to fame is that he directed two Breaking Bad episodes (albeit two amazing episodes) and "Brick". But that being said, I don't care about Johnson's pedigree because Looper looks amazing. Remember when Batman Begins was directed by this nobody who directed one awesome film and one kinda crappy one? I just hope I get an invitation to Rian Johnson's coming out party.

1) Django Unchained (dir. Quentin Tarantino)
Release Date: Christmas Day
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Don Johnson


 

Tarantino's movies really can be hit or miss, but when his movies hit, they are some of the greatest films of all time. For every "Pulp Fiction" and "Inglourious Basterds" Tarantino has a "Kill Bill" and "Grindhouse". Don't get me wrong, "Kill Bill" and "Grindhouse" are good movies but not really great movies (I know people will disagree with me about "Kill Bill" but I contend that it's just alright). Want an even better excuse of "eh" Tarintino? "Jackie Brown". But that being said, "Django Unchained" looks like the amazing, best movie ever, version of Tarintino.

Coming off the stellar film of "Basterds", Tarantino looks to one up himself by making his own adaptation of a Blacksploitation/Revenge film. The film stars Jamie Foxx and Christoph Waltz as bounty hunters looking for very powerful men, one of which being Leonardo DiCaprio (who looks like an awesome villain- the same way Tarantino made Waltz one of the best film bad guys ever in "Basterds"). If "Django" is even half as good as "Pulp Fiction" or "Inglourious Basterds" then there is no doubt in my mind it will be the best film of the year and I believe we will soon be debating which film was better: "Django" or "Basterds".

My Final List:

1) Django Unchained
2) Looper
3) The Master
4) Skyfall
5) Lincoln
6) Wreck-It Ralph
7) Silver Linings Playbook
8) Paranormal Activity 4
9) Butter
10) Pitch Perfect
11) Killing Them Softly
12) Seven Psychopaths

Other Films I Want To See But Did Not Make The Cut Because I Do Not Want To See Them *That* Badly:

- Flight (dir. Robert Zemeckis)
- Argo (dir. Ben Affleck)
- Jack Reacher (star. Tom Cruise)
- Rise Of The Guardians
- Taken 2 (while I *love* Taken and will go see Taken 2 opening weekend, I know it just won't be as awesome as the original)

Movies I Absolutely Do Not Want To See:

-The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (dir. Peter Jackson)
- Les Miserables (dir. Tom Hooper)
- Life Of Pi (dir. Ang Lee)
- Cloud Atlas (dir. The Wachowski siblings)
- Anna Karenina (dir. Joe Wright)
- The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part II (dir. Who The Fuck Cares?)

Other Notes

- Fuck you Warner Bros. for pushing back the release of "The Great Gatsby" (dir. Baz Luhrmann) from Christmas 2012 to summer of 2013 just because of Oscar considerations. I understand the 2012 class seems really, really deep (especially considering the awful and shallow class of 2011) but a) who's to say your film won't be better than anyone else's this year? and b) being released in 2013 doesn't guarantee you anything. 2013 could be a deep year as well and pulling a move like this jinxes and guarantees yourself that some no nothing movie a la "The Artist" or "The Hurt Locker" is going to swoop in and steal all of your awards. I mean, seriously, how awesome does this trailer look?!



- I will not see "This Is 40" (dir. Judd Apatow). While "Knocked Up" is one of my favorite films of all time and I loved "The 40 Year Old Virgin" I can not blindly support Judd Apatow anymore. Firstly, "Funny People" was a huge stain on Apatow's creative career and secondly,"This Is 40" overtly says this is more of a drama than a comedy and is not meant for a single 25 year old male. While I greatly appreciate them telling me this is more of a dramedy than a comedy (versus doing what they did with "Funny People" by insinuating that if you liked "Superbad" you'll love "Funny People". Horrible marketing strategy) by telling me this you're asking myself and the core people who go out and spend money on movie tickets to not see this film.
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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Bad Quarterback League Rankings

For the second straight year Grantland created a Bad Quarterback League. This idea is simple. For regular fantasy football you gain points every time a player on your team does well in his actual game. We are all familiar with how fantasy football works. The Bad Quarterback League (BQBL) works in a similar fashion. You can read about the specifics in the actual Grantland article but basically everyone in the league drafts teams and based upon how bad that teams' quarterback(s) play in every given week, you earn fantasy points because of the QB's poor performance. You can earn points from something as little as throwing an interception to something as big as getting arrested.

This is the second straight year that Grantland is doing its BQBL and having done the league last year, here are some tips that I can offer:

- IGNORE 24/7 POINTS. While the 24/7 points are fun and funny, they are nowhere close to the bread and butter of where you gain fantasy points. Last year the Carolina Panthers were the first overall pick in my league in large part because of Cam Newton's off-the-field issues (plus we all thought Cam would not play well. We were all wrong). While it is certainly possible that someone's penis ends up on a blog it is more likely and MUCH more predictable to determine which QBs are just bad at football. You don't want to bank on off-the-field trouble, especially with your top picks.

- TARGET QB BATTLES. My #1 overall pick last year was the Jacksonville Jaguars. I believe I had a later pick but the Jags had just released David Garrard and had announced that Luke McCown, not their #1 draft pick Blaine Gabbert, would start week one. Well not only did I believe that the Jags were going to make a change early in the season (I was right) but I thought that both QBs were bad (and again I was right). I was lucky that McCown got benched during a game (which nets huge BQBL points) but because it happened early in the season I had a decent lead over my teammates early on and forced them to play catch up. The point is is that in-game benching is definitely predictable (versus 24/7 points) and they generate a crap ton of points. Plus, you can get the benefit of having two bad QBs.

- TARGET TURN OVERS. Of course early on you are going to target players who both can't throw accurately AND turn the ball over but when all else fails (and as the available players gets thinner and thinner) go for turnovers.

- GET INJURY-PRONE QBs IN THE LATER ROUNDS. A team last year in my league drafted the Eagles with his last pick. Granted in part he thought he could get 24/7 points but it worked it extremely well to his advantage because when Michael Vick got injured that owner benefited from the terribleness of his back up.

Here are my rankings for the 2012 Season:

1) New York Jets

The Jets have two bad quarterbacks on their roster: Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow. You'll benefit from Sanchez's terribleness in the beginning, you'll benefit from having Rex Ryan say over and over again, "Mark Sanchez is my quarterback", you'll benefit huge when Sanchez gets benched during a game, you'll benefit because Tim Tebow is atrocious, and you'll benefit again when Tebow gets benched later on in the year. You'll benefit no matter what.

2) Cleveland Browns

Not only are the Brows starting a 28 year old rookie quarterback but the Browns have by far and away the worst receiving corps in the NFL right now. Seriously, when Joshua Cribbs and Greg Little are your top two receivers, you're in big trouble

3) Miami Dolphins

Ryan Tannenhill is also really bad and, like the Browns, they also have a terrible receiving corps. In fact, after trading away Brandon Marshall, the Miami Dolphins can rival the Cleveland Browns as the worst receiving team in the league. The only reason I don't have Miami higher is because if they do make a change it will be to Matt Moore- who I kinda like as a real life quarterback.

4) Jacksonville Jaguars

I kinda like Jacksonville's receivers with Laurent Robinson and Justin Blackmon as the starters, Mike Thomas as their #3, and Mercedes Lewis as their tight end but 1) It's still the terrible Blaine Gabbert starting 2) If they do decide he's really bad they will go to the "awesome" Chad Henne and 3) I could easily see a scenario where Robinson is injured and Blackmon just isn't ready.

5) Minnesota Vikings

I think the top four are clearly "better" than any other team so now I need to take risks. I thought the Vikings selecting Christian Ponder in last year's draft was a TERRIBLE idea at the time (especially considering Ryan Mallet and Andy Dalton were there for the taking) and I think he is not a very good quarterback. The Vikings have to play six games against the Bears, Lions, and Packers whom I believe all have really good defenses, and outside of Percy Harvin (who has migraine issues every year EXCEPT for last year) I don't like any of the Vikings receivers.

6) St. Louis Rams

It was really, really close for me between the Vikings and the Rams but ultimately it came down to the fact that I think Sam Bradford is just a better quarterback than Christian Ponder. I kinda like Sam Bradford as a real life quarterback but a) He is coming off a terrible 2011 season where he was 3rd to last in total QBR b) His head coach is Jeff Fischer which means I think he will run a conservative offense and c) The Rams wide outs are really bad with Danny Amendola and Steve Smith (not THE Steve Smith) leading their pack.

7) Arizona Cardinals

Last year Kevin Kolb had the 7th worst QBR and John Skelton had the 8th worst. I think Skelton is far and away the better quarterback and the fact that Skleton was just named the Cardinals starter hurts Arizona's value because there is not really a QB controversy anymore, but still, Skelton is not very good.

8) Kansas City Chiefs

This is going to sound like a broken record. Matt Cassel is not a good QB, the Chiefs are going to run like crazy, Dwayne Bowe is good but not *that* good, and outside of Bowe the Chiefs receiving corps is not very good.

9) Tennessee Titans

This is a weird middle ground for me. I'm at the point where I don't hate the QB and/or wide outs but I would never draft them for my normal fantasy leagues. While there is the potential for a QB battle with Jake Locker and Matt Hasselbeck, I just do not think there will be one. I kinda like Tennessee's receivers with Kenny Britt, Nate Washington, and Kendall Wright, and the Titans still get the Jacksonville and Indy defense for four game. But I would not nor would anyone I have seen draft Jake Locker in anything other than a keeper league which means he's ripe for the taking in a BQBL.

10) Indianapolis Colts

Andrew Luck is still a rookie, has a sub-par offensive line, pretty bad running backs by his side, and I think Luck will only have Reggie Wayne to throw to for much of the season because Pierre Garcon left and Austin Collie is consistently an injury/concussion risk.

11) Seattle Seahawks

While Russell Wilson has looked great in the preseason, it's still only the preseason. Wilson is a rookie QB who is under six feet and I never trust a QB who is under six feet (except for Drew Brees). Plus you are banking on a QB controversy considering the sea birds paid a LOT of money to Matt Flynn but  that might never come. The reason Seahawks aren't "higher" is because Wilson could be really good with that top tiered O-line, really good defense, and a decent little receiving corps. 

12) Baltimore Ravens

Part of this is my hatred of Joe Flacco as a real life QB and part of this is that there really are no more truly bad or risky bad quarterbacks left.

13) Cincinnati Bengals

I like Dalton as a real life quarterback based upon what he did last year and while quarterbacks tends to get a bump in production from their first to second year, I'm banking on a sophomore slump.

14) Oakland Raiders

The Joe Flacco effect. I don't like quarterback and while many people like Denarious Moore and Darrius Heyword-Bey in fantasy, there's still a reason they are not top 30 wide outs.

15) Tampa Bay Buccaneers  

With a new head coach and Vincent Jackson, I really like Freeman this year and I personally think he will revert to his 2010 self, so that's why I don't have him "higher", but I just can not ignore Freeman's atrocious 2011 campaign. Although if you hate Freeman, feel free to lower him in your rankings.

16) San Fransisco 49ers

While Alex Smith is not a good QB by any metric, Jim Harbaugh is a phenomenal head coach which will limit Smith's turnovers and with the addition of Mario Manningham and Randy Moss I think Alex Smith get more a lot more yards per game than he did last year- which was Smith's redeeming feature in a BQBL.

17) Buffalo Bills

There's a chance that Ryan Fitzpatrick is a really good quarterback. Not only did he show levels of bring elite early in the 2011 season but he gets games against the terrible New England secondary, the Miami Dolphins, and the New York Jets. The Bills claimed Fitzpatrick played the vast majority of the season with a broken or bruised ribs which accounted for his poor second half but he was never all *that* good when he played in Cincy and early in his career in Buffalo. I think Ryan Fitzpatrick is just an "eh" QB.

18) Houston Texans  

Matt Schaub is injury prone. Andre Johnson is injury prone. Owen Daniels is injury prone. Plus, the Texans are a rushing team with Arian Foster, Ben Tate, and that offensive line. 

19) Dallas Cowboys

That Cowboys line is horrible. Tony Romo is injury prone. Dez, Bryant, Miles Austin, and DeMarco Murray have all missed significant time in the big leagues due to injury. Jason Witten has a broken spleen. Although I do like Kyle Orton, Romo's back up, as a real life QB but he is historically not very good in the red zone. 

20) Philadelphia Eagles

When taking the risk on injury prone QBs (which is the tier here) betting on Vick being injured is a safe bet. Most leagues allow for a bench and at this level the Eagles are a great bench play. However, if you're in a league like the one I created last year and you would have to start the Eagles, I would try to avoid them because I think the games Vick misses will not outweigh the games Vick plays in.

21) Denver Broncos

God I want to see Caleb Hanie play. As a Chicago Bears owner in my BQBL last year, he was money in the bank. Plus, Denver is counting on a 36 year old QB who is playing 15 of his games outdoors and coming off of 4 neck surgeries. What could go wrong with that?

22) Pittsburgh Steelers

At this point in the draft, you're taking injury prone guys because you're in the realm of good quarterbacks so you're hoping for their back up. Plus, the Steelers O-line is atrocious.

23) Chicago Bears

With my last pick last year I took my beloved Bears with the "hopes" that Cutler would be the sack and interception machine he was during his Bears tenure. While Cutler fixed those problems last year the Bears were great in a BQBL because of Caleb Hanie. However, not only do the Bears have a great back up QB in Jason Campbell but I do not think Cutler will revert to his own, interception-throwing ways. However, when you're this late in the draft you're hoping for Old Cutler.

24) Washington Redskins

I like a Mike Shanahan offense and I trust RGIII to be good in his offense but you're hoping to see Rex Grossman start games an for RGIII to be like most other rookies.

25) Atlanta Falcons

I just don't like Matt Ryan as a real life quarterback. Personal preference.

26) Detroit Lions

While I think Stafford is good he's still an injury risk and if Megatron falls to the Madden Curse like I think he will then any Detroit QB's numbers will suffer.

27) San Diego Chargers

I think Rivers is going to rebound from his 2011 campaign in a huge way, but that being said, you can't ignore his 2011 campaign either.

28)  Carolina Panthers

Cam Newton wasn't the amazing QB he was in the first half during the second half in 2011 and you hope his second half continues for a sophomore slump.

29) New York Giants

30) New Orleans Saints

31) Green Bay Packers

32) New England Patriots

There's no reason to explain why the best quarterbacks and best offenses in football should be taken. When you're this late in the draft it doesn't really matter anyways. You're either not going to play them or you hope there's a QB injury. Either way, you don't have a choice.
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Saturday, September 1, 2012

Preseason Quarterbacks Rankings

1) Aaron Rodgers (GB)
2) Tom Brady (NE)
3) Drew Brees (NO)
4) Cam Newton (CAR)
5) Philip Rivers (SD)
6) Eli Manning (NYG)
7) Matthew Stafford (DET)
8) Michael Vick (PHI)
9) Peyton Manning (DEN)
10) Tony Romo (DAL)
11) Ben Roethlisberger (PIT)
12) Matt Ryan (ATL)
13) Tim Tebow (NYJ)
14) Jay Cutler (CHI)
15) Matt Schaub (HOU)
16) Robert Griffin III (WAS)
17) Josh Freeman (TB)
18) Carson Palmer (OAK)
19) Ryan Fitzpatrick (BUF)
20) Andy Dalton (CIN)

NOTE: This is my ranking for a ten team league. The deeper the league, the more I will drop Tim Tebow. I think he is a back up but a great back up to have. But I do not want to go in to a league with Tebow as my starter
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